Merci

I am proud of you, brother!! :)

Don't ever give up when conditions let you down because there will be a silver lining after the storm!

Thanks for being there always

I am tremendously proud and happy to have you as my brother :) :)

And as I am writing this, my heart is touched by a dear friend who gave me "STREPSILS" to relieve my unstopped cough.

Thank You

It will be easy :)

"You only need to have faith,

and then you can break through

all difficult states.

Everything is made from the mind alone.

If you think something is difficult,

then it will be difficult.

If you think it is easy, it will be easy"

(by Venerable Master Hua)

Those words, indeed, make me strong now! I was afraid of unable to do my GEN3040 paper on 5th November. I was afraid of unable to study well to prepare for it.

Instead of being affected by the afraid feeling, I must do my best and keep to move forward!!!

GEN3040, I am able to show you my LOVE!!

I will give my best to YOU!! :) :) :)

(sounds crazy erhh??)

Upekkha

Unequal action to the loved and unloved ones had been revealed  today.

Everything, even the precious things, were given easily to the loved ones,

but to the unloved ones, for only thinking to give this thing to them had been so hard to be done.

In fact, feeling regret after giving the thing to someone (which in the mind, this fellow is not the beloved one) would be the post-action.

Why? Why do I treat people so differently? Are they not worth it to receive the same things?

Meditation had made me to realize that I have not practice upekkha yet in my life. Upekkha (equanimity) is one of Brahmavihara (Brahma = divine heavenly beings, and Vihara = dwelling place). In Dr. Kah Yein's book 'Indy Jones and the Kingdom of the Four Brahmaviharas', she mentioned that if we practice Brahmavihara (metta, karuna, mudita, and upekkha), we will live our life like heavenly beings. It is, indeed, very true.

Now, let us ask ourself, why can you divine people to be loved and unloved? The loved ones must have done something good to you, and the unloved ones might have not done something good to you yet. Isn't the statement correct? Classifying things as loved and unloved ones is the art of the mind! Don't be affected!

What I had experienced today was, indeed, a very good lesson to be picked by myself. I lent my notes to a friend, yet at the end I felt regret. It was because this fellow was not equally treated as the loved ones in my mind. This kind of mind was wrong! Remember, equanimity should play here.

Gracious Moments

1. I spent money for buying fried chicken to feed a cat which suddenly appeared in University. And I was shy *blushed* when I fed the cat, everyone seemed to look at what I was doing. I tried to bring the cat to a non-visible place, but it didn't want, so no choice ~~

2. When I say "I CAN", it means I am possible to achieve the goal! I ran to catch the free shuttle bus which at first, it looked to be impossible to catch the bus, because I was still in distances away and the bus was going to go.. However, I said to myself "I can catch it!!".. and yes, the bus stopped and I could catch it :) :)

3. I made delicious macaroni pasta, despite the fact that I forgot to buy margarine hahaha!! So, I mixed the macaroni with salt and a bit of condensed milk. The result was delicioso *hihihihi*

4. I have so many food right now.. (banana, bread, egg, kiwi, ginger, carrot).. anyone want to eat it?? hehe!!

5. I didn't force myself to study, yet myself had the desire to do it. And the wonderful thing is when it comes from within, studying time is like joyous time because you enjoy to do it :)

6. I bought bread to beloved ones and wished them good luck for the exam tomorrow.

7. At last, I am glad that I had done all of these things :) :)

May all beings be well and happy always! and May all of us do the exam well! :)

Horoscope

I read a "GreenScopes Horoscope" just now and found that it is very true hahaha!! Usually I won't believe this kind of prediction, but for this one, perhaps, because I had passed half of today, I found that the statement worked on me!

It says:

"Anxious feelings don't have to run your life. Nor do you have to resort to material distractions to deal with them. Sit back and watch your thoughts instead of jumping in to 'fix' them. Think of your mind as a public access channel run slightly amok. Make a cup of chamomile tea afterwards. Rake some leaves and go for a walk."

I was, indeed, have the feeling this afternoon. 

Unease to say "yes, I want it",

Unease to leave my friend's house because I thought it would be not nice if I did not join them to have dinner,

Unease for having my dinner with some friends (which are not so close to me and I met them in the cafetaria),

Unease to say "hello!" to my friends who were reachable to hear it,

and the worst thing (ever)..

Unease to be surrounded by people

Shortly, today I experienced the anxious feelings which kept me to be, somehow, distances away from my friends. Is it good or bad? haha!!

Anyhow, thanks to the horoscope's advice which states that "Anxious feelings don't have to run your life. Sit back and watch your thoughts instead of jumping to 'fix' them". Feeling better after reading this advice :).. and yeaps, I should sit and watch them :)

Thanks Mrs. Ng!

Today is my last day for having singing class with Mrs. Ng in Opus.

I remembered all the things I had done with her as I walked to Opus to have our last class this afternoon.

Shy was the first feeling I had when she asked me to sing at the very first class.

I remembered that I sang "Balonku ada lima, rupa-rupa warnanya..." (Indonesian children song) so badly in front of her.

As the time went by, my voice has improved a lot, as well as my wisdom...

because Mrs. Ng was not only a singing teacher to me,

she was also my wisdom teacher.

I gained a lot of knowledge about singing and life through her teaching.

I respect her a lot!

Sad is the feeling I can sense right now as my tears drop.
However, life must go on.. and I was the one who made the decision to end the class this month.
I could not spend my time to do the musical homeworks anymore,
university's and organization's works have taken my time,
therefore if I forced myself to continue the class,
it would only waste of money, energy, and time for me and Mrs. Ng.
Moreover, I know soon or later, I must make this decision so it does not matter, Carol! :)

Things are impermanence as I recall those words in my mind.
After all, all these worldly things are only illusion.
One day I will go and I cannot bring those pleasure things to my cemetery,
only the results of my action "Karma" I will bring.

Lastly, I proudly say

Thanks Mrs. Ng for being my great singing teacher for these last two years!

May you forgive my mistakes as your student!

May you be well and happy always!

Roller Coaster

This time I am writing under a running ceiling fan and white light in my living room in Lagoon View B-15-01. My feeling is calm and peaceful as I observe it. Perhaps this is also the impact of weather outside which is cloudy and windy (I love this weather!).

And I bring myself to nostalgia events last night and this morning. I am smiling as I am thinking of what I had done.

The dinner was an awesome dinner because everyone was there and the restaurant has sort of romantic situation which I felt it for the very first time :). The confusion of myself for joining this group or that group of people at the end of the dinner was, indeed, part of my wonderful experience too because it made me to realize some things. Things that should be chosen and shouldn't. Trust your heart for this one and you will find that yourself is much better and relieve! And lastly, the games were beautifully played as I did them with friends for the very first time here in Malaysia.

I woke up late this morning as I expected last night, ended up with lack of time to prepare myself to go to temple and shocked because of the return of my sickness! I couldn't blame what I had done neither people who asked me to join the fun I had last night for responsible to the return of my sickness. As I remembered that my best friend was in University, studying for his future, I reminded myself to go to University earlier, not wasting my time and joined him studying. I kept in mind that this morning I walked calmly, yet watching and sometimes flying with my mind.

Upon my arrival in University, I decided to go to library first. This time my aim to visit this place was to open "K drive" and get important lecture notes for "Bioconservation" so that I could start to study this subject in a tutorial room with my best friend. A thought that I should open "Genetics" suddenly appeared and it made me to stay in library longer than I expected because I found useful books (under reference code which means I can't borrow them) that could eradicate my ignorance of this subject!

I blew a deep sorry for my best friend as I couldn't be there to study with him! This moment I began to question myself, "am I do something rite? does this mean I have no attachment to this friend anymore?"  Complicated minds I had while I was copying down the necessary notes from the books. However, as the time went by, I perceived that myself was in the middle way (someone correct me if I am wrong) because I cared for myself that I was still in the library and stick to the book to get more information, and at the same time I cared for my friend (as I felt it that way).

Thus, time and experiences have taught me to choose appropriate things whilst I am in the central of many life choices. In my view, as long as what you are doing is something which makes yourself happy and contented, and importantly not hurting others, then do it happily :) :)

Invigilator

Being an Invigilator??

Would it be possible to me?? The answer is YES! I was the invigilator for ACCA exam these two days. (Thanks to Chon Oon and Wenny to make it happened!). It was an AWESOME experience for me :).

During the exam, some observations had been made.

Some people thought so hard until they pulled their hairs

Some people were so calm and undisturbed

Some people (still) talked to each other when the time was started

Some people did their best to cheat

Some people hoped that the time would fly as fast as it could

Some people went to toilet and never came back

Some people were so polite to say thanks to me despite of their busyness

Some people saw me walked here and there instead of focusing to the paper

Those observations, indeed, will be my unforgettable memories as an invigilator. As I observed more and more.. My spirit to study and do the best for my exam is growing up! :)

In the exam hall, although I set my serious face and was so discipline, a small wish from my heart was blown. A wish for them to do their best and never give up 'till the last minute. The same wish as it is for myself and friends who will face the exam in few days ahead :)

"Do all the BEST we can do!"

NO VOICE

I miss my voice!!

I even can't say necessary things I wanted to say

Helpless..

Only from this place, by writing, I can share my feeling and thoughts.

Do You Feel Them??

Yeah!! Pre-exam feeling has finally reached us (or me in particular). There are some nervous to face the monster, some afraid to be able to study well because we I only have a little time yet a lot of things to do other than preparing for the exam!

While I was writing the words "little time", I realized that actually the time is ENOUGH for us to study, it is only the matter of willingness to study well and hard in this provided time.

I am sure all of us (for those who will face the war) will strive and survive!!

Believe in yourself that you can do it well! :)

So, study hard my friends!! And I am inspired by Dr. Kah Yein's words,

"Do your best, yet have low expectation."

Besides, I would like to thank my sore throat due to its impact that I can't talk so much these days :). I didn't definitely being a dumb person! I just love this situation where I only speak necessary things. However, there were times, due to so much intention to speak in my mind, I talked with ignoring my throat condition. And.. the worst thing was I felt guilty after saying those words.. They are repeating in my head and I blame myself for saying them.

Thus, I shall remind myself... "What was past is pass, Live in this very PRESENT moment because it is a gift!"

Sickness and Friendship

I am hot and cold right now

The mind wants to finish the report,

but the body doesn't cooperate well..

Sickness, indeed, can't be controlled

It will come and go as it wishes

Thanks to the sickness that it gives me the opportunity to take care of this body properly today

Anyways, besides the sickness, I wanted to share about a lesson that I found while I was advising my friend haha!!

Your friends are not yours..

They can be with whoever they like..

They can forget about you.. and

They can do whatever they like to do to you

(We can't control our friends)

but

Ask yourself, "Am I her best friend?"

If the answer is YES, then the next thing you can do is let her be...

When we are not together, it does not mean separation,

It is only the time for yourself to contemplate

It is the time to prepare yourself for being there when she needs you

(We can control our action, rite?)

My advice, indeed, advices me as well to be a dear friend :)
Finally, I wish all of my friends to be well and happy always! And I wish I can do my best for this last report! :) :)

It is within not without :)

Dr. Kah Yein, thanks a lot for your talk in Monash last week!! :) :)

My stress reduced a lot after I put your words into practice, especially focus, hard work, and being mindful. I could finish my report without having so much stress yesterday and this morning :). In addition, I even had enough rest (5 hours) yesterday haha! Thanks :)

A memory from the talk by Dr. Chan Kah Yein (9 Oct 2009)

I would like to thank my mom as well. She cheered me up when I was stuck in doing discussion part of the report. Although I answered her phone without any excitation, yet when I told her that I had work to be done she suddenly gave such inspirational and motivated words! Thanks a lot mama :)

Anyways, much more happiness are yet to be shared. Tonight my dinner was FRIED DORI FISH + CHIPS!! I love it huahahaha!! That dinner time was, in fact, a lovely time for me because I was with someone special "my beloved brother". We erhmmm.. okay I talked a lot and really a lot of things about the past life stories and also possible future stories after graduating from Monash.

Besides, today is also a special day!! It is Hartanto's birthday!! :) :).. I wish him to he be well and happy always!!

I am POSSIBLE

Too much pressure

Too much assignments

Too much things to do

Mr. Too Much has came to me and asked for my time to think of him! Honestly, I am thinking of you, Mr. Too Much.. I wish I could just thinking of you without having any other effects in my physical and mental health :)

Thanks to Johnny who reminded me of my words, NEVER GIVE UP!! haha!! It's kinda funny because I told him those words, yet at this time I am the one who feel like giving up.

"I am impossible POSSIBLE" is a sentence that I should say it loudly with confidence!! I believe I can't can pass this situation well.

Don't GIVE UP!!

Readers, open the link.. it's such an inspiring video! :)

Gado-gado

Wow! It's really fast!! I am on the end of 12 October 2009.. Time is, indeed, running so fast.

To begin with, this morning I woke up not in my house! I woke up in Tiara 27!! Perhaps, I was crazy enough to go there yesterday and suddenly decided to had my night there. However, despite of my craziness, I was so happy to have Shinta, Rifin, Jimmy, Alex, Arie, and Chandra as my companions during my stress time finishing the last assignment of BTH2732 (recombinant DNA). In fact, Rifin and Shinta were the two main actors behind the scene. They even slept with me in the living room!! (I slept on Rifin's bed, Shinta put her head on the bed and laid her body on the floor, and Rifin slept on the floor). Honestly, I didn't feel good to see them sleep like that..

Anyways, my trip in Tiara 27 was a happy-stressy feeling trip :)

Okay before I end my day, I would like to share 10 gracious things I had today..
1. Finish my assignment on time
2. Able to wrap a gift to a special friend and I wrapped it nicely hohoho!!
3. My mom allowed me to join IBYE
4. I saw my brother has the spirit to try to do his internship (I am extremely happy to know this!! Hopefully, he will be accepted to do the internship and learn a lot of things outside there)
5. I had my longest nap (should I call it afternoon or evening nap?) --> 3 hours!!
6. Have dinner with my beloved roommiiee
7. Return to my house by uncle's car haha!! (Thanks uncle! I was in great tiredness and your help was really like a gold for me that time)
8. Suddenly realize that everyone in this world is kind
9. Eat red apple at night like what I did last time

10. Read a special friend's blog and inspired by the message - Imperfection makes Perfection!

Thanks people for making my day wonderful! :) :) :)

Gratitude for Today

Hahaha!! I am happy that today I could act out hehe!! I love to act out because it shows the different side of me :)

Today my journey began with late woke up (at 8.30!!!), then I made my breakfast and wrote down my feeling in my previous post. I did a little improvement in my assignment and planned to take a bath near the lunch time.. but I was shocked Rifin told me that Shinta wanted to come and visit me here.. Wow!! I HADN'T Take a bath YET!! Kyaaaaa... panicking attacked me.. and I was still waiting for Hartono to give the key of D'Lot. After taking the key, suddenly message came and it was from Rifin.. He said we had arrived ~~ and we would wait for you outside LagoonView!! Waaaaaa.... more panicking attacked me!! I took a bath like a duck -showered, gave soap, showered, and jumped from the bathtub huahahaha!! (it is funny huahahahaha!!)

I managed to go outside without bringing my purse... then they said we would go to eat first before Shinta went inside LV! Wuihhh.. no purse, only handphone and key I had right there..
However, we still went to have lunch at WHITE HOUSE!!! (waaa!! my first time eating there!! :) The food are nice! and I enjoy the feeling of the restaurant as well)..

Shortly, I and Shinta returned back to LV and Rifin went to Monash for his test. Shinta was allowed to go in by the "galak" uncle hahaha!! I was shocked that Shinta said the uncle is not "galak". She said he is kind! Wow!! Previously, I had that thought but because I heard my friends always say that the uncle is "galak".. I kept it in mind!! ~~ (nahhh.. trusting words so fast is my weakness! haha!!

At 2 p.m. I and Shinta went to Asia Cafe to hunt CHEAP CLOTHES!! wahahaha!! We went from condo by firstly running to catch the Free Shuttle Bus!! We managed to get it huahahaha!! (the driver is kind.. he opened the door for us!) We walked inside pyramid mall to go to the bus stop.. We watched bus 99 and was so happy that we could get bus to go to AC so fast..... but........

We picked the WRONG BUS!!!!! KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! Instead of going to Subang Jaya, the bus was going to SUMMIT!!!! KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!! We were panicked!!

Luckily there was jam in front of A&W.. so we jumped from the bus and walked to AC.. Longgggg road and Hotttt day accompanied us in our journey to get CLOTHES!! huahaha!! We arrived at D'Lot with baskets of sweat huahahaha!!

In the market, we looked, walked, and searched to get NICE clothes with CHEAP price!! I am glad that I found a MANGO skirt only with 10 RM!! I also found a NICE belt with paying 23 RM!! not so much things I bought.. but I am glad to have them :)

Shinta... she found much more things than me!! hahaha!! I am happy I could spend my day with her huahahaha!! Shin, if you read this.. I suggest that we should "jalan-jalan" again together haha! xDThe new skirt and belt

Here it comes... The main story of the day..........

Today 'TaraBuddY's session was really unexpected! I, Shinta, Edi, Vicky, and Wenny were really confused what to give to our audience.. Actually the programe today was called "from the committee for you", but we couldn't help that most of the committee are busy during these times. So it ended up with only five of us present in D'Lot to practice for our performance.

We thought to have singing and dancing as our performance.. but it was too hard to do it.. We didn't have any idea how to perform it.
At 6 (which was really last minute preparation!!!), we planned to do drama.. Shinta gave the idea about the plot, and each one of us helped each other in order to give best performance to our audiences. We practiced the whole drama at 6.45!!!! and for me, I had so much fun in doing it huahahaha!! Though I had low expectation that we would be success xD

When the time comes.. we performed well and indeed, I am happy that audiences (they were so little of them came) could enjoy the show and laughed :) :) :)!! Great achievement haha!! Finally, we closed the session by having dinner (or should I called it supper??) at AC.. wihiiiiii!! During this time, I even could share what I have learned yesterday from the Dhamma Talk to Vicky and Margareth :) :) :) ~ Double achievements! ~

Now that I am remembering my happiness today! I would like to share this happy moment to you all by wishing you to be well and happy always! :)

The Change

I was so silly to be angry with my best friend and good friend.. I don't need to mention their names here, but really thinking back of it, I feel ashamed to them and myself. However, we can't live in the past, so I will forgive and forget the past of myself and them.

Luckily, my problem with my best friend was solved last nite! It was tough because both of us hold our views.. we didn't want to understand each other. When I told him all of the feeling inside my heart about him and his new friends (which was only my misunderstanding)... He tried to straighten my view, yet I was too emo and couldn't think correctly, so every words he gave were like fire to me. It was like war without ending! I was so sad and had no hope that our friendship will return.. I sought the advice from other best friend of mine which is neutral to the problem.. Glad that he gave me so many advices and lessons! Glad too that the best friend I mentioned earlier was suddenly sent me message and that time when I read his message, my heart was getting softer. I could see things clearly for sure! I understand things that we disagreed previously.. and I am happy that our friendship return.

However, with my good friend.. I really don't know what she will think of me. I felt bad that I opened my feeling to her, because I opened it without seeing situations. I hope that she will be fine and forgive me! I have forgiven her for all of her mistake (not only her mistake, in fact, my mistake too because I never shared the loads I had with her). Sorry sorry sorry!! If I can say it to her rite now, I will say"sorry"for so many times and hug her!

The event has again woke me and it made me to realize...

Please don't be influenced by other words!! It's okay for being trusted, but don't get influenced too much! Every one has different views and feeling. We can't change them, only ourself can change what our views and feeling toward something :) :)

THANKS FRIENDS!!

Furthermore, I am happy that the talk was success yesterday! And we as the students gain so many useful life lessons! Thanks to Dr. Kah Yein which was able to come though the rain was so hard yesterday! :)

These are tips she gave for reducing our stress:

1. Focus on what's important to your life

2. Work hard

3. Let go (but only if you have done your best)

4. Live in the present moment - Mindfulness

and if you're not happy with NOW, you can walk away, change it, or accept it!

5. Accept change and dukkha

Grant me the serenity to accept things I can't change;

courage me to change things I can;

and be wise to know the difference.

6. Karma - The law of cause and effect

7. Gratitude

8. Attitude

Don't put so much pressure in your little mind.. If you have a lot of pressures, why don't you enlarge your capacity? If you can't enlarge it, just reduce the pressures, letting unnecessary things go from your mind! :)

From this moment, remembering the talk and emo stuffs I had, I have made my new resolution!

I will change myself to be someone better

not influenced by words

not influenced by feeling

not influenced by mind

and not influenced by situation around me

because I am I

May all beings be well and happy always!! :)

The Lost Paper

When I knew that I LOST the paper, this heart felt like to burst... It is because I kept thinking of the day I had spent to write it down.. It is like I just wasted my time on the past..

Disappointment was here, Sadness also was here... However, I am proud of myself that I could wake up!! I have fallen down and felt the hurt of disappointment and sadness for so many times ,and I don't want to make more burden to my heart only because the lost of a paper!!

I know I must begin the new one.. I have to let the paper go...... and I have to let myself goooooooo to find the new source and begin the essay!! I know I can do it!!

Cheers Carol!! :) :)

Missing them!

After seeing people's blogs, suddenly I feel it!

I miss them so much..
I haven't go together with them in a vacation for such a long time.
We are busy with our own responsibilities,
When we had the time to meet, we would express the happiness for only a moment.
Words were often so hard to come out from this little mouth,
to only say "I miss YOU -mama, baba, in, xin".
And yaaa airport is always the witness for our feelings..

I Love Them! :)

Lesson from the lunch time

This afternoon I was really super duper hungry and a bit angry because someone unintentionally made me to face my msn. In fact, it was not his fault, I was the one who forced myself to be there, delaying my lunch time to be recognized as a care person (was I?) !!

However, after some times, I made resolution that I need to tell him the truth that I was really hungry and need to have my lunch... It did not feel rite that he thought I am such a good person, in fact, I am not (because I started to generate bad thoughts about him while waiting his notes to be sent to me). I decided to let whatever thoughts he would have toward me.

During my waiting time for the food to come.. a question popped up in my head, "isn't it the same with my life's phenomenon?"

When I am full, I can't feel the importance of food..
When I am full, I just judge food from the outside looks..
I even complain the good food that is serving beautifully in front of my eyes.

Now, when I am hungry, the presence of food in front of my eyes is like a gold to me
Whatever taste and form it has, I keep eating it to fulfill my need.

Yeaps.. the same as my life's phenomenon! When I am full with blessings, sometimes I am just too blind to see them.. I can't feel them... and I keep complaining about small, unimportant things that I thought they are not supposed to appear there! and do you know, I even complain that I have those blessings..

Readers, from the lesson in my lunch time.. I realized that we as humans always never be satisfied with what we have.. we never treasure what we are in this moment.. But, should we continue to want more and regret all of the things we have now?

The answer is NO! and I believe, CONTENTMENT is the key.. cause with it we can satisfy and treasure things that we have NOW :) :).. In fact, our blessings may be one of our forgotten old dreams that come true (they are for me!!) ~