Showing posts with label In a mess. Show all posts
Showing posts with label In a mess. Show all posts

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Nafsu kah ini?

Readers,

Hari ini saya melihat bahwa saya memiliki pikiran yang dikuasai nafsu. Karena menemukan suatu berlian, saya merasa saya tidak butuh untuk membagi nya dengan orang lain. 

Dalam pikiran saya ada tertulis, "Ini berlian saya yang menemukan, kenapa mereka-mereka tidak mau berusaha mencari berlian seperti saya? Tapi selalu saja bergantung pada saya untuk menemukan satu dan nanti nya mereka akan mengorek di lubang sama yang saya gali, untuk menemukan berlian lainnya."

Kenapa ya readers ada muncul pemikiran seperti itu? Apakah itu hal yang biasa bagi manusia lainnya? Bukankah kalau kita berbagi, itu adalah suatu hal yang membahagiakan? 

Namun, saya sadar, dalam hal ini bukannya saya tidak ingin berbagi, tetapi saya ingin mereka juga berusaha sebelum langsung meminta mentahan pada saya. Hmm pengalaman ini juga pernah saya alami sewaktu saya di university .. 

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Path to a G-day

Hello again Readers :)

I am writing this blog while taking a break from packing my stuffs to be brought to Malaysia. Yihaaaa, tomorrow morning at 10.45 a.m. I am going to fly to KL by bus heeeee!!! Personally, going back to KL is a moment that I always look for because of

F.A.M.I.L.Y  ,  F.R.I.E.N.D.S ,  M.E.M.O.R.I.E.S  ,  F.O.O.D  ,  and  C.L.O.T.H.es

This time KL or exactly Sunway will be the witness of my graduation ceremony :). If I may tell you a little secret of mine... Several days behind, I had no excitement about the graduation ceremony which is going to be held on Saturday, 13th November 2010. Not at all. Not until the time I had conversation with my best friend who is in Malaysia. All of sudden, the excitement about receiving the scroll is up in my heart. 

The dress is ready. 
The photo package is going to be booked.
My parents are on their way to reach KL (due to Merapi, they need to go to other city for flying)
My siblings and friends are preparing themselves.
And ...
 I am going to be officially a graduated student!! :)

Thank you for my parents who have spent their nights and days thinking and giving me all my necessities.  Thank you for all my teachers who have taught me a lot of knowledge and wisdom. Thank you for all my friends who support, give me comfort and the taste of city. Thank you for everyone who have helped me to be who I am today :) :) :)

Friday, October 29, 2010

Coffee & Tea

Hello readers :)
It is not a picture taken by me wekekeke!
I am in The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf, Toa Payoh right now :), enjoying my ice blended green tea plus applying job while waiting for appointment at 7 p.m.

Now it sounds like I am a young executive whose life are full of appointments! xDD

Anyway, Readers, I would like to share with you about my BIG self-centered mind. I am not angry with it, I accept it as it is because I am still a usual human being with many positivity and negativity inside. Hopefully by this experience I can eradicate my envy, jealousy, wrong view and learn from it :)
Yesterday I found out that my friends whom I trusted and thought that they would share everything with me.. are indeed not. They had done their own ways and (if my memory is correct) never told me about it. It is like I have lost my sense of trust to them after I know that fact.

The biggest regret I have in my mind is to my parents. They always told me not to be too open to those friends, yet I did not believe them and even gave them a long lecture about being honest to friends haha! (and because of this, my parents were sad; their eldest daughter thought that herself were cleverer than their parents who have gone through many life experiences??). Right now, I know that everything cannot be shared to those friends because they don't share with ME as well, they don't care about ME, they bla bla ME bla bla, bla bla bla ME bla bla...

Readers, can you see the self-centered mind?

Hahaha! Yes, it is always about I, ME, and MY!! Although some guilt are still in the heart, yet I am grateful to take the lesson (FYI, guilt is bad to be cultivated, it is a self-centered mind too; thinking of only I am wrong! I do the mistake! I am bad!). Nevertheless, I am trying to watch the guilt, see it, and let it go... :) :) :)

And for reminder to myself, I would like to post it out:
"After all, this is NOT a competition about who will be the winner or loser! This is just a path of life about how to do your best and effort in order to achieve something successfully."

Okay Readers, time moves fast.. It is time to go.. See yaaa

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

The Plaza

Hello readers! How are you doing? :)

Kali ini saya ingin menceritakan pengalaman saya tersesat hehe! Karena saya musti menemukan "The Plaza-Beach Road" untuk naek bus balik kampong ke KL hari Jumat ini, kemaren saya melakukan research dimanakah The Plaza itu?

Pencarian dari internet mengatakan MRT station terdekat adalah Bugis MRT station, jadi pencarian dimulai dari tempat ini. Saya berputar ke arah yang bertuliskan Beach Road, tapi ternyata bukan Beach Road yang saya temukan, Road dengan nama lain malahan yang saya temukan. Namun, saya tidak menyerah.. Saya benar-benar berputar mengelilingi bangunan Bugis Junction dan bertanya pada seorang cleaner yang saat itu sedang berdiri (ternyata dia tidak bisa berbahasa Inggris! Jadi saya tidak mendapat jawaban darinya). Saya berjalan lurus dan akan menyeberang jalan, ketika seorang Western man bertanya pada saya "Do you know where is Beach Rd?". Seketika itu juga saya tertawa dan berkata, "I am looking for that Road too. But I think maybe this way (sambil menunjuk arah road yang sudah saya lewati tapi masih belom di explore sampai belakang)".

Akhirnya dia berjalan sesuai arahan saya, dan saya pun berjalan ke arah lainnya untuk menemukan Beach Rd. Setelah beberapa saat berputar, ternyata saya bertemu lagi dengan Western man itu, tapi kali ini saya tidak berjalan menghampiri dia karena saya pikir no point kembali ke tempat yang ternyata si Western man pun tidak menemukan Beach Rd.. Saya berjalan ke arah lainnya dan bertanya pada orang yang akan menyeberang. Karena dia menunjuk ke arah depan, saya pun berjalan lurus.. Tapi yang saya temukan adalah Arab Street! Wahh anda semua pasti tidak menyangka bagaimana saya memasuki beberapa toko dan bertanya pada mereka. Well.. beberapa orang dari yang saya tanyakan pun juga tidak pasti dimana bangunan itu, tapi mereka bertanya kepada orang lain dan malahan sampai akan menggambarkan peta agar saya sampai disana. Karena saya merasa sudah tahu, saya pun berkata, "It's okay. I just need to go straight and then turn to the right, rite?". Dan pencarian tak berujung pun dilanjutkan.. Sampai akhirnya sampailah saya pada satu building, saya perkirakan bangunan itu adalah office karena banyak Westerners berpakain rapi berjalan sana sini menenteng tas kerja, saya beranikan diri masuk dan bertanya pada Uncle sang receptionist.

Nahh berkat dia, saya berhasil menemukan Beach Rd!! Tapi dimana The Plaza?? Di titik ini saya sudah hampir MENYERAH!! Dalam hati, "Ahhh sudah laa mau tukar tiket aja, jadi berangkatnya dari tempat yang saya kenal daripada ga ketemu gini". Tapi saya tetap meneruskan pencarian sampai ke satu hotel berbintang. Saya sungguh beruntung karena waktu itu ada bellboy yang keluar dan dia memberitahukan dimana letak The Plaza. "It's just behind this hotel, you can go from this hotel :)".

Bisa anda bayangkan saya meloncat kegirangan karena akhirnya menemukan The Plaza!!! hahaha!! :) :) :)

Walaupun pencarian nya melelahkan dan mengambil waktu cukup lama, saya dapat memetik pelajaran dari pengalaman ini. Sama dengan pencarian kerja yang sekarang saya lakukan, berputar dan berputar.. Nampak seperti tidak ada jalan keluar dari perjalanan ini. Tapi sekarang saya percaya dengan SEMANGAT dan TIDAK MUDAH PUTUS ASA dalam hati, kita pasti bisa menemukan akhir dari pencarian kita. Selain itu, dalam jalan-jalan yang kita lalui, kita patut bersyukur karena kita bisa bertemu dengan berbagai macam orang. Orang yang dengan senyum ramahnya dan apapun yang dia bisa lakukan untuk membantu kita, orang yang membantu kita dengan membuang muka, orang yang sama-sama mencari, dan orang yang sama sekali tidak tahu dimana tujuan kita. Kita belajar dan menambah nilai dalam hidup kita dari jalan-jalan yang kita lalui sebelum akhirnya kita meraih tempat tujuan.

So, it's very true what Uncle Ng told me via email:
"My  last word of advice.. take this transition period  gracefully. No doubt it is important and is in great urgency to get a job,  but  do be patience and enjoy the minutes of life since we can't change them anyway for  the time being."

Thank you, Uncle Ng and friends and people who have helped and supported me until this moment! May all of you be well and happy always! :) :) :)

Friday, September 17, 2010

A man with his friends

Ternyata menunggu itu bukanlah pekerjaan yang mudah untuk dilakukan.. Karena menunggu dan tidak mengerjakan sesuatu yang berarti, 2 malam yang lalu pikiran saya mulai terbang.. berpikiran yang tidak-tidak dan membayangkan masa depan yang belom tentu akan terjadi.

Well, akibatnya ketika bangun di pagi hari saya menjadi benar-benar DOWN!! Bingung dengan semua hal ini, dan merasa insecure. Fortunate enough, I have a lot of friends who support me. Mungkin di saat itu mereka tidak mengetahui kalau saya sedang DOWN, tapi apa yang mereka berikan kepada saya merupakan suatu hadiah yang sangat berarti. Hal yang mereka lakukan mampu mengubah mood saya 1000 degree dan menjadikan saya bersemangat kembali untuk tetap berjuang.

Nah, readers.. ini adalah pembuktian bahwa saya sebagai manusia, makhluk sosial, membutuhkan orang lain untuk dapat mengepakkan sayap lagi. Jadi hargailah dan cintailah orang-orang yang berada di sekitar anda, hapuskanlah rasa benci kepada mereka. Sungguhlah sayang jika hidup ini kita habiskan untuk membenci seseorang karena setitik kesalahan mereka. Belajar memaafkan dan dirimu akan hidup lebih berbahagia :) :)


May you be well and happy always!!! :)

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Life moves on

Finally I finished my exam :)

Well, the time is moving fast
Now it is the time for the oldies to return to their home, and the new flowers to arise
And separation is happening
With happiness, let us face it
Life moves on ~


P.S. For Andy in Toy Story 3: "You have done such a great thing, to let go of Woody and friends for someone else and let them to be happy with their new family."


Thanks, Toy Story 3 :)

Monday, June 21, 2010

Understanding Life

Tomorrow will be my second exam, and here I am..

I think these days I have been too hard to myself
I forced myself to study and study for SCI3716 so that I will not feel sad or disappoint like what I felt for GEN3030.

but my body rejected me this late afternoon,
I got a bad headache and could not continue studying.

Well, it is a good thing, isn't it? hahaha!! :)
I can spend my time chatting with my sister and browse nice thing
This is one of the nicest thing I get:

LIFE IS TOO IRONIC TO BE FULLY UNDERSTOOD
It takes sadness to know what happiness is.
Noise to appreciate silence.
And absence to value presence.

Thanks to mom as well for reminding me that life is easy, just me who makes it hard :)

Love you, mom! :)

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Exam Confession

Here I would like to confess that during this period of exam preparation:

1. I read "Five people you meet in heaven" in ONE DAY instead of memorizing GEN3030. The book is awesome!!!
2. I slept in Shinta's house instead of staying at home and memorizing GEN3030
3. I studied in J.Co for my first time
4. I watched three movies "Letter to Juliet" , "Prince of Persia", and "Killers" instead of studying
5. I played facebook
6. I wrote down notes in microsoft office and erased it again, and re-did the same things to memorize GEN3030
7. I studied in Taylor Lake Side's library for 8 hours!
8. I went to SJBA temple and shared my experiences as a foreigner student
9. I met new friendsssssss from KTT :) :)
10. Hurray!!! I went to Starbucks, drank hot green tea, ate blueberry + chocolate cake without paying anything kakakakaka!!! ;p

Despite of some of bad things above (hehehe), at the bottom of my heart, I promise myself to study hard for the last exam of my undergraduate study. Jia you!!

Study and play smart ;)
Good luck to ME and FRIENDS!! All of us can do it well :)

P.S. I never regret doing those things hehehe!! because they were awesome things to do :). The next thing I need to do is increasing my motivation to study. C'mon C'mon ;)

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Dot Dot Dot

Am I falling in ****????

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

19th August 2009.. a busy yet happiest day

Dear everyone!! Greetings from me =))))

Today is one of my busiest (plus very very tired) day!! hahaha!! (I went to Pyramid twice!! First was on the afternoon, before my last class, and second was on the evening). But I had a lot of laughs with my friends and my brother.

19th August 2009 is the day of my brother's 20th b'day and Leo's 21st b'day!! and both of them are special men to me =). I wish them to be well and happy always!



I never thought that today I am gonna celebrate my bro's b'day by treating him having dinner in "Sushi Zanmai".. We ate ramen because I remembered that eating noodle on your special day will prolong your age (I don't believe it-to be honest!! ;p). And the memorable part is we spent MYR 83.70 wahahaha!! (what on earth did we eat???)

Starting from yesterday, I had thought of a lot of choices of gift that I would like to buy for him (from fountain pen, bao, cake, "tremolo" guitar book, and on and on and on.. ----> Edi, Jimz, and Ming Han are those people who knew about my craziness ;p). However, on this day itself, although I had walked inside all the book shops and guitar shop in Pyramid, I couldn't find any gift which is suitable for him (Thanks to Jimz and Edi who answered my phone when I was in a big desperate searching for gift) ;p

Other than that, I could celebrate Leo's Birthday with all of my friends via webcam!! and it was so wonderful! At this point, I would like to tell you that I am really really glad to find friends like them =)).



Distance is only a word for us
Love is a big gift from us
Being part for this life story is the biggest happiness for me!


Friday, August 14, 2009

Being melancholic

Good Morning everyone!! May you be well and happy today!! (I believe a wonderful greeting on the morning will cheer up your day)

These days I was so busy with assignments and works! I don't know why my feeling and mind are affected too with those things. It was so rarely happen to me..

Honestly, if I can, I want to run away from those realities! I want to hide from them and perhaps I will turn back to them when I have cured my illness inside. But if I do that, will I hurt others? Will the time be enough to solve the problems?

Sorry to myself that I always put others first before myself! I always want others to be happy (really? or I just want others to recognize that I am exist here?!)

Crying is always being an effective way to throw away my burden. However, I don't know people who I can borrow their shoulders to cry on! And the worst thing, I can't cry! I keep thinking that I am a big girl! Crying is a childish thing to do..

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Should I..



Should I be happy? Should I be sad? Should I....

Too many "should I" in my head.

This morning, I woke up and "Mr. Should I" came to ask me, "Should I go to Pyramid with my brother this afternoon?" or "Should I go to have lunch together with Sisca (my housemate) and her mom?"

In the afternoon, "Mr. Should I" came again.. That time he asked me, "Should I go with Jane (a friend that I know from Monash Buddhist Society) to Pyramid?" or "Should I just wait and go together with my brother only(he had not replied my message yet when Jane asked me to go to Pyramid with her)?" or "Should I go with both of them, Jane and my brother (here means that I need to wake him up asap)?" At Pyramid, when I choose shoes for being used in the forest trip next week, he put his steps on my head and asked, "Should I buy this color? Should I choose the cheaper one?"

In the evening, once again "Mr Should I" visited me.. He asked me much even more, "Should I go to 'TaraBuddY's session today by bus or with Ming Han? Should I buy an ice-cream from the pity aunty (She is pity in my view) in Asia Cafe? Should I be sad because my session-in my opinion-was not done well? Should I be angry? Should I say this words? Should I send a message to a person to say thanks to him? Should I apologize to my friends? Should I put my feeling back towards that person? Should I write down everything here?"

Should I, should I, and should I.... An interesting thing, isn't it? "Mr. Should I" has come to visit me too many times today-this is more than normal!!! And one thing I like from "Mr. Should I" is he uses his power to make me thinking which one is the best, either for myself or others. But one bad thing from him is he is happy when he could make me speechless and confused!

Tired of being visited by "Mr. Should I"? Maybe ~~ But there is a joyful in my heart too when he come to visit me =). A bunch thankful for him, indeed, because he has made me aware of my feelings today! One of my mindfulness practice =)

(P.S. Thanks to myself and those who have supported me to do whatever I need to do today!)

OooohhThat is It!

Today I started my day with a big confusion, choosing to go to temple or orphanage home...

Going to orphanage home is my usual schedule for Friday evening. I have started to go and give tuition to children there since the end of last semester. I love them!! (but u know, at the first time, i asked myself, can I be a good teacher? can I love them since they are not those who I expected to be? haha!! They were silly questions at the beginning of doing Dana!)
I have one special student which most of the time when I go to the home, I will teach him. His name is Samuel. He is clever!! He likes to study English rather than Math haha!! And that's why every time I ask him to open his Math book, he will refuse to do so. Last week, finally, I taught him Math! Though it was a hard thing for him, but I successfully convinced him that he can do it well!! (For this convincing part, I need to think a creative and fun way haha!!)

And today... I was planning to teach him Math! but...

There is meditation class every Friday for 6 consecutive days-which I had missed 2 classes-due to my Genting trip and orphanage home. I have registered myself for this course before I set my schedule on Friday evening to go to the home.

Perhaps for all of you, it's like a stupid thing to be confused of! However, I was! I thought if I go to the temple and meditate, I will be so selfish. I will ignore my students (especially Samuel). And if I go to the home, I will miss the class.. For your info, I have stopped my meditation practice (sitting and walking meditation) since holiday and I want to start it all over again.

A big confusion hit me! I asked every one which way should I choose? I really couldn't find the answer for it! Bro. Cedric (MOD singer, who is my Kalayana Mitta-friend in the Dhamma) said "it's all up to you! If you want to improve yourself then you should go to temple, but if you want to socialize then go to the home!" Honestly, those words had a big impact on me, ratio of 30% home and 70% temple was in my head that moment. Then Ming Han, who is my good friend and Kalayana Mitta, persuaded me to go to temple for my own good sake haha!! He gave me a lot of advices! After few hours, finally I decided to go to temple for today and I sent message to Bro. Peng Yong (another tute in the home who always fetch me-a very kind person!) and Dr. Song Beng Kah to inform them that I won't go to the home today.. It was a hard decision for me!

Dr. Song Beng Kah, my lecture as well as the tute in the home, replied my message. His message conquered all of my doubtness and confusion! He is, indeed, a wise person! He said do whatever is best for u, don't let the Dana prevent u to do something that u need to do! ~It is a WOW message for me! I never have such a thought about it..

In the temple, another two WOWs happened! It's like what Dr Kah Yein wrote in her book. "Dhamma works in mysterious ways!" One wow is there was a question to Bhante whether meditation is a selfishness or not? I was quite shock hearing that question (it was my question which I didn't dare to ask it.. so SADHU to that person who had asked Bhante! =))..
Bhante said meditation isn't selfishness. In meditation you train your mind, and due of this training mind you will behave well to others-in short being mindful in everything and it is a good thing to do.
The second wow is I can note my feeling! (I am proud of it hehe! ;p) I noticed that I was angry when there was one aunty adviced me to do walking meditation properly. I disliked that aunty because I thought my way was correct, why did she want me to do this and that??? During that time, the feeling inside me was like something raised up to the max and they were ready to blow out-I don't like it! A terrible feeling!! Hahaha!! Luckily, I realized that it was just Mr. Angry came to visit me, so I didn't need to respond to him! Moreover, lately, I found out what the aunty said is a trully better way to do walking meditation =)! Sadhu to you, aunty! =)

For me, today is really a usual day with enormous experiences of life! =)

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Wandering mind

This evening I accompanied Sisca, my housemate, to go to hospital because she was sick. A view of hospital's busyness was provided in front of me. There were so many people wearing face-mask in the waiting room, not only the patients but also the doctors and nurses. Perhaps they were afraid of being infected by H1N1 virus.

After being called by a nurse, Sisca and I went to a very big room which has several bays and curtain for each bay. The nurse said the doctor was so busy now and she asked us to wait. While waiting, I, unintentionally, heard people talked about H1N1. Wow!! My early prediction about H1N1 virus was true. Those people inside the room were afraid of being infected by H1N1 virus. They even asked the doctor, if it is possible, to give them (or their family member who is sick) permission to stay at hospital overnight (wew!! If it is me, I prefer to go home rather than stay at hospital!)..

At that very moment, no no, I think started at the moment I saw so many people wearing face-mask in the waiting room, I began to ask myself, "Are they afraid of death?" (since H1N1 virus can kill human) or maybe that question, in fact, was aimed for myself, "Am I afraid of death?". Hmmphh.. a tough question! To be honest, I haven't find the answer yet =)
That question often comes out and I really donno what's the best answer for it. Most of the time when I walk alone, I imagine if suddenly bad things happen to me here, what am I going to do? Will they hurt me and maybe I will die because of them? Does it mean I am afraid of death? Several thoughts.. and then I will stop my mind to think and ask, order it to be here and now! But, again, I still don't have the answer of afraidness of death.

Or perhaps....... the answer is just to be here and now, is it? To experience whatever we have at this time and not to think about the future!

Anyways, thanks for reading this! and I hope my housemate will get well soon and may she be wise and happy always! =)