Today I started my day with a big confusion, choosing to go to temple or orphanage home...
Going to orphanage home is my usual schedule for Friday evening. I have started to go and give tuition to children there since the end of last semester. I love them!! (but u know, at the first time, i asked myself, can I be a good teacher? can I love them since they are not those who I expected to be? haha!! They were silly questions at the beginning of doing Dana!)
I have one special student which most of the time when I go to the home, I will teach him. His name is Samuel. He is clever!! He likes to study English rather than Math haha!! And that's why every time I ask him to open his Math book, he will refuse to do so. Last week, finally, I taught him Math! Though it was a hard thing for him, but I successfully convinced him that he can do it well!! (For this convincing part, I need to think a creative and fun way haha!!)
And today... I was planning to teach him Math! but...
There is meditation class every Friday for 6 consecutive days-which I had missed 2 classes-due to my Genting trip and orphanage home. I have registered myself for this course before I set my schedule on Friday evening to go to the home.
Perhaps for all of you, it's like a stupid thing to be confused of! However, I was! I thought if I go to the temple and meditate, I will be so selfish. I will ignore my students (especially Samuel). And if I go to the home, I will miss the class.. For your info, I have stopped my meditation practice (sitting and walking meditation) since holiday and I want to start it all over again.
A big confusion hit me! I asked every one which way should I choose? I really couldn't find the answer for it! Bro. Cedric (MOD singer, who is my Kalayana Mitta-friend in the Dhamma) said "it's all up to you! If you want to improve yourself then you should go to temple, but if you want to socialize then go to the home!" Honestly, those words had a big impact on me, ratio of 30% home and 70% temple was in my head that moment. Then Ming Han, who is my good friend and Kalayana Mitta, persuaded me to go to temple for my own good sake haha!! He gave me a lot of advices! After few hours, finally I decided to go to temple for today and I sent message to Bro. Peng Yong (another tute in the home who always fetch me-a very kind person!) and Dr. Song Beng Kah to inform them that I won't go to the home today.. It was a hard decision for me!
Dr. Song Beng Kah, my lecture as well as the tute in the home, replied my message. His message conquered all of my doubtness and confusion! He is, indeed, a wise person! He said do whatever is best for u, don't let the Dana prevent u to do something that u need to do! ~It is a WOW message for me! I never have such a thought about it..
In the temple, another two WOWs happened! It's like what Dr Kah Yein wrote in her book. "Dhamma works in mysterious ways!" One wow is there was a question to Bhante whether meditation is a selfishness or not? I was quite shock hearing that question (it was my question which I didn't dare to ask it.. so SADHU to that person who had asked Bhante! =))..
Bhante said meditation isn't selfishness. In meditation you train your mind, and due of this training mind you will behave well to others-in short being mindful in everything and it is a good thing to do.
The second wow is I can note my feeling! (I am proud of it hehe! ;p) I noticed that I was angry when there was one aunty adviced me to do walking meditation properly. I disliked that aunty because I thought my way was correct, why did she want me to do this and that??? During that time, the feeling inside me was like something raised up to the max and they were ready to blow out-I don't like it! A terrible feeling!! Hahaha!! Luckily, I realized that it was just Mr. Angry came to visit me, so I didn't need to respond to him! Moreover, lately, I found out what the aunty said is a trully better way to do walking meditation =)! Sadhu to you, aunty! =)
For me, today is really a usual day with enormous experiences of life! =)
Going to orphanage home is my usual schedule for Friday evening. I have started to go and give tuition to children there since the end of last semester. I love them!! (but u know, at the first time, i asked myself, can I be a good teacher? can I love them since they are not those who I expected to be? haha!! They were silly questions at the beginning of doing Dana!)
I have one special student which most of the time when I go to the home, I will teach him. His name is Samuel. He is clever!! He likes to study English rather than Math haha!! And that's why every time I ask him to open his Math book, he will refuse to do so. Last week, finally, I taught him Math! Though it was a hard thing for him, but I successfully convinced him that he can do it well!! (For this convincing part, I need to think a creative and fun way haha!!)
And today... I was planning to teach him Math! but...
There is meditation class every Friday for 6 consecutive days-which I had missed 2 classes-due to my Genting trip and orphanage home. I have registered myself for this course before I set my schedule on Friday evening to go to the home.
Perhaps for all of you, it's like a stupid thing to be confused of! However, I was! I thought if I go to the temple and meditate, I will be so selfish. I will ignore my students (especially Samuel). And if I go to the home, I will miss the class.. For your info, I have stopped my meditation practice (sitting and walking meditation) since holiday and I want to start it all over again.
A big confusion hit me! I asked every one which way should I choose? I really couldn't find the answer for it! Bro. Cedric (MOD singer, who is my Kalayana Mitta-friend in the Dhamma) said "it's all up to you! If you want to improve yourself then you should go to temple, but if you want to socialize then go to the home!" Honestly, those words had a big impact on me, ratio of 30% home and 70% temple was in my head that moment. Then Ming Han, who is my good friend and Kalayana Mitta, persuaded me to go to temple for my own good sake haha!! He gave me a lot of advices! After few hours, finally I decided to go to temple for today and I sent message to Bro. Peng Yong (another tute in the home who always fetch me-a very kind person!) and Dr. Song Beng Kah to inform them that I won't go to the home today.. It was a hard decision for me!
Dr. Song Beng Kah, my lecture as well as the tute in the home, replied my message. His message conquered all of my doubtness and confusion! He is, indeed, a wise person! He said do whatever is best for u, don't let the Dana prevent u to do something that u need to do! ~It is a WOW message for me! I never have such a thought about it..
In the temple, another two WOWs happened! It's like what Dr Kah Yein wrote in her book. "Dhamma works in mysterious ways!" One wow is there was a question to Bhante whether meditation is a selfishness or not? I was quite shock hearing that question (it was my question which I didn't dare to ask it.. so SADHU to that person who had asked Bhante! =))..
Bhante said meditation isn't selfishness. In meditation you train your mind, and due of this training mind you will behave well to others-in short being mindful in everything and it is a good thing to do.
The second wow is I can note my feeling! (I am proud of it hehe! ;p) I noticed that I was angry when there was one aunty adviced me to do walking meditation properly. I disliked that aunty because I thought my way was correct, why did she want me to do this and that??? During that time, the feeling inside me was like something raised up to the max and they were ready to blow out-I don't like it! A terrible feeling!! Hahaha!! Luckily, I realized that it was just Mr. Angry came to visit me, so I didn't need to respond to him! Moreover, lately, I found out what the aunty said is a trully better way to do walking meditation =)! Sadhu to you, aunty! =)
For me, today is really a usual day with enormous experiences of life! =)
No comments:
Post a Comment